The Girls

I've escaped the house. In my own neighborhood. It's dark. I'm running down the street that leads out of the neighborhood. I'm almost to the stoplight. I spin around. Which way do I go? I'm bleeding from somewhere. I'm terrified. A car is coming up behind me, a dark SUV. I wave it down. It's a girl driving. I shout to her that I'm in trouble and could she please take me to the police station. She lets me in. I apologize for how strange it must be and thank her. As she starts driving she says "Don't thank me yet," and smiles cruelly at me. A sharp pain in my arm. A needle? I pass out. When I wake up I'm in a sedan. A different girl is driving. It's daytime and we're in a desert. Traffic is crawling. Stop and go. Stop and go. The door is locked. Childlocks. I'm not wearing a seatbelt. I press the button to roll down the window. Maybe that can be my escape. It's locked. I look to the girl and beg of her. Just a little air. As she glances down at the controls I lunge across her and hit the childlock button. I fall back to my own seat and open my door. I jump out. The sun is glaring.

The car behind the one I was in pulls into the shoulder. It's the dark SUV. She looks angry. There is someone in the passenger seat too. Equally as angry. I start running down the shoulder in the opposite direction. I glance behind me to see if anyone is following. I see my mom driving! She sees me too. I run to her car and get in, and lock the doors. She starts crying because she is so happy to see me. They've all been looking for me, she says. How long was I captive? How long was a tortured? She sees the scars, scabs, and bruises on my arms and legs. I tell her we're being chased, she needs to get out of traffic. She floors it down the shoulder until a smooth dirt road appears to the right. She takes it. We're in the desert still. Where does this road go? I don't notice anyone following us.

No. I've been here before. I recognize this place. The theme park in the middle of nowhere. "This place?!" I scream at her. "You know I've had dreams about this place," and she does know. [The first dream was good and the rides were fast. I was happy. The next dream, terrorists on a train massacred everyone. The next dream is was a ghost town. Empty. Dusty. Dank. Misty. Ghosts. The next time parts were open again but it was scary. Not safe.] She thinks we will be safe now that it's all open again. This is my place. I control it, she thinks. We go inside, where just through the gates there is a food court. A fat Mexican man with a carnival mustache and red and white striped chef's hat offers me a sample. He holds up his tray which has two holes. On the right there is a sample in the hole but the words above it are in Spanish. I don't know what they say. The words on the left are in English but the sample has already been taken. I tell him no thank you.

Where is mom? She's getting food. I need to leave. It's not right here. It's not right. It's not safe. Her! She's staring at me. Another one of the girls. They all look similar. Pretty. So pretty. Wavy hair, perfect makeup, perfect clothes, perfect shoes and accessories. Perfect smiles. I sit down at a table. Two of the girls sit with me. At the table next to us 3 more girls sit, and one boy. Who is the boy? The girls are teasing me. Trying to take my things. Are these my things? Where did this come from? I must protect them, they are mine. A laptop bag. A red binder with papers inside. And a black zippered soft case. They pull at everything, jeering and laughing. One of them stands up as I pull the stuff close to myself. Enough!

I stand up, knocking my chair back, and slap her hard across the face. I unleash a stream of profanity, that fucking bitch. Fuck. Bitch. Cunt. "Leave me the fuck alone, what do you cunts want from me?!??!? Come on, fight me you little bitch, fuck you, fuck all of you, what do want?!" and I punch her as hard as I can in the throat. She collapses on the floor. She didn't fight back at all. There is that pain again in my arm.

I'm at a friend's house now. We're sitting on his bed. His bedroom is on the first floor in the front of the house with windows facing the front yard. It's bright outside. Transparent white curtains float over the windows. He doesn't believe what is happening. He asks if I'm ok emotionally and if I've thought about hurting myself. If I've done drugs or drank recently. He think I'm making things up. Hallucinating. Why won't he believe me? I tell him again and again they are trying to steal my things, that they want to catch me again and rape me. He smirks and rolls his eyes, and tells me to calm down. A knock on the front door. Panic. My heart jumps into my throat and my stomach twists. Now he is in danger too. At the window stands the 5 girls, like ghosts through the curtain, and the boy is at the door.

I beg. I plead. Don't open the door. He says it's a misunderstanding on my part. He lets them in. He comes back around the bed next to me and puts his hand around my shoulders. They just want to play a while, he says. Play? They all stand around the bed. He puts a zip tie around my wrist and the bedpost. No!! He says it's ok. I tell him no, they'll hurt me, the boy is going to rape me! He steps back and pulls down on the collar of his tshirt to show me marks. Scratches and bruises. "It's not that bad," he assures me. "You'll enjoy it eventually."

Three

Night of January 25th

I had three dreams but currently only remember the last two.

I was at a wedding. Three women were getting married. One of the couples are good friends of mine and actually are married. In the dream they had been married for about a year but wanted another ceremony. I was the maid of honor, of possibly a bridesmaid. We were in a large room. I twas dimly lit. Everything was golden and red except for the brides' dresses which were white. It was time to light candles. I received a lighter from my friend and went to the wall to light an oil lantern. As I flicked the lighter on and put the flame to the wick, a tall, thin, pale, bald man wearing a dark suit approached me. He silently took the lighter from my hand and went to the next lantern. I told him it was my job, I was asked to do it. He ignored me. He went to the next wall and let the two big red candles on a long shelf.



I was walking down the main street of a small mountain town. The fronts of the shops were wood, with wooden overhangs. The sun was bright and warm though the air was cold. I noticed a friend getting off of his bike in front of a small bakery and deli. I said hello as I caught up to him. He opened the door for me and he set his bike against the wall inside. We chatted in line, waiting to order. I ordered and went to find us a seat. He stood at the counter, eyes fixed upward on the tv behind the counter. As he finally walked toward me I could tell he was crying. He sat and leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around him and asked him what was going on. His friends had been on a small boat, heading somewhere to go wake boarding. My friend had opted out in favor of mountain biking in this town. The tv was showing that the boat had hit a big wave and crashed. Two of his friends had died. One of them had his right leg and arm severed. My friend didn't know what to do. I held him and cried with him. He suddenly got up and headed for the door. I asked where he was going. He didn't answer. I told him his bike was still here. He didn't answer.

Recurring Themes

I have a lot of elements in my dreams that come back. Over and over and over. Here are some of them, and also their meanings according to the internet.

Tidal Wave
To see a tidal wave in your dream represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands your attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside for too long.

Turtle
To see a turtle in your dream symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take it slow in some situation or relationship in your life. With time and patience, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, a turtle indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. You are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in. As a result, you are feeling withdrawn. 

Water
To see water in your dream symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

Chase
To dream that you are being chased signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is a metaphor for some form of insecurity. In particular, to dream that you are chased by an animal represents your own unexpressed and unacknowledged anger which is being projected onto that animal. Alternatively, you may be running away from a primal urge or fear.

Running

To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.

Hiding
To dream that you are hiding suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some information. You may not be facing up to a situation or dealing with some issue. However, you may be getting ready to reveal something and confess before somebody finds out. In particular, to dream that you are hiding from some authority figure (police, parent, teacher...) implies feelings of guilt.

Lost
To dream that you are lost suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. If you try to call for help, then it means that you are trying to reach out for support. You are looking for someone to lean on.

 

Protection

To dream that you are protecting someone or something suggests that you are putting up an emotional wall or barrier between you and others around you. Consider who or what you are protecting for clues as to what aspect of your own self you are afraid of letting out and letting others know.  

Fear
To dream that you feel fear indicates that your achievements will not be as successful as you had anticipated. You are experiencing anxieties in various aspects of your life. The key to overcoming your fear is to discuss them and deal with them openly.  

Armageddon
To dream about Armageddon suggests that you are feeling hopeless and out of control. The dream may be triggered from the deep emotional stress that you are experiencing in your waking life. 

To dream that it is the end of the world suggests that you are under a tremendous level of stress. You may be feeling vulnerable or helpless in some situation.

Violence
To see violence in your dream indicates unexpressed anger or rage. You need more discipline in your life. If you enjoy the violence, then it points to your aggressive or sadomasochistic tendencies. The dream may also reflect repressed memories of child abuse. Violence toward others in your dream suggests that you may be fighting or struggling against aspects of your own Self.

Massacre
To witness a massacre in your dream suggests that you are a follower. You tend to go along with the ideas of others without question and hesitation.

Blood

To dream that others are bleeding signifies an emotional cry for help. 

Red
Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage, impulsiveness and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Alternatively, the color red in your dream indicates a lack of energy. You are feeling tired or lethargic. Red is also the color of danger, violence, blood, shame, rejection, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions. 

Zombie 

To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered. 

Night
To have a dream that takes place at night represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. You are being faced with an issue that is not so clear cut. Perhaps, you should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings.  

City
To see a city in your dream signifies your social environment and sense of community. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone. To dream that you are in a deserted city indicates that you feel rejected by those around you. To dream of a city in ruins denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate.